Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry No More Cancer Christmas! :)

Hey everybody. It's Maddie. My mom thought that I should update the blog. She is better with writing than I am because I can never think of things to say but I guess I will just start off that I went in and had my first scans last week and I am cancer FREE! Which makes me very happy!

I'm pretty bummed though because now that I'm done with chemo I have to push physical therapy on my knee really hard. Its going to be difficult but I am grateful I still have my knee. Once I start physical therapy it will be easier for me to walk and I will eventually lose my limp. I just want to be able to do the simple things, like climbing up the stairs, going down the stairs, walking at a normal speed, riding a bike and dancing. It's getting better, but if I walk too much it will buckle and I hyper-extend it ALL the time; which can get very painful. :/

I haven't really done much since I got out of chemo. I'm starting to feel good enough to hang out with friends again, which is good because I missed that the most when I was going through chemo! It was really hard on me...
December 10th I got a boyfriend. ;) His name is Jaden Abbott, we have been good friends since 7th grade. He is a great kid and has always been there for me. We have hung out like every weekend since Dec 2nd, haha. My mom likes to tease me about us. She makes me laugh.
He has an amazing family and I have a great love for them.
Sticking out our tongues :P
Brandon Winger's Fundraiser
Jazz Game :)
Isn't he a cutie? :)
Love this boy!
Olivia Sue
I'm really looking forward to Christmas! I can't believe it is in like 2 days!! I have NO idea what my parents(SANTA) got me! I don't really care what it is but I'm still curious. This year I am more excited about spending time with my family/extended family.♥ It has been a while since we've all been together. I don't even remember the last time. Abbie and Rory aren't in Hawaii this year so it will feel like a normal Christmas again. Last year without them was weird! And it's little Livi girl's first Christmas! She is getting so big its crazy. I swear she gets bigger everytime I see her. Before I know it she will be walking and calling me "Auntie Maddie". :| That's weird to even think about!

I finally feel like my life is heading back to 'Normalcy'. It's aBOUT time! I start school January 17th. I'm a little nervous, but excited at the same time. HIGH SCHOOL! Everyone has told me that it's so much better than Jr. High. I guess I will find out soon enough...
Well... not much else to say. Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!! (P.S. The world is NOT going to end. Just sayin'.)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Ringing the "Bell"

My heart is really full tonight as I sit here waiting for the last time for Maddie to clear her Methotrexate chemo.. I have very mixed emotions. I'm so excited to walk out that door tomorrow knowing that we are done with chemo and that I won't have to watch that wicked stuff drip into her tiny body anymore. I'm excited to sleep in my own bed for more than 2 weeks at a time. I'm excited to start running again and excited to spend more time with my older girls and their families. I'm excited to cook my own meals and not rely on fast food or the cafeteria, so tired of that. I'm so excited to put away the mattress pad and the overnight bags. I'm excited to go to church every Sunday:) I'm excited to see my daughter get her hair back and her eyebrows and her eyelashes. I'm excited to put away the saline flushes, heparin flushes, IV pumps, emla cream, alcohol pads, etc. I'm just darn excited about a lot of things.

But along with all this excitement comes a sense of sorrow as we leave the people that we have grown to love and so much appreciate. When we first arrived at Primary Childrens I watched other moms talking with the nurses at each nurses station and wondered if I would ever fit in, if I would ever rely on them to get me through a really tough night or if we could laugh and cry together. Well that happened and there are many of these people that I will never forget, they are like family now and they all hold a special place in my heart. It takes a really special person to work with cancer kids, it can't be an easy job.

In the past 9 months I've learned so much about myself, about life and about what really matters most in life. I don't have expensive clothes, I don't have a huge house, I don't drive expensive cars and I'm perfectly fine with that. I have 3 great kids, a loving husband, two awesome son-in-laws, one beautiful grand daughter, one on the way, 2 parents that love me regardless of my short comings and 6 siblings that I know have my back, and the knowledge that God lives and here's our prayers if we would just get down on our knees. What else really matters????? We just never know what life is going to bring at us. When I heard a doctor tell me 10 months ago, "it's cancer" I thought my world had come to an end, I really didn't know how I was going to make it through the next day. But I soon learned my life had only just begun and the journey I was about to go on would teach me more than any classroom or professor could ever teach me. I hope that I can be a better person because of this, that I will find myself looking out for others before myself. I hope I can be the person that I have seen so many around be. I hope I will be the first person to sign up for a meal when one needs to be offered. I hope I will be the one to put a little extra money in my tithing slip just because I can. I hope I can be less judgmental when I see a child that looks a little different than most. I hope I can always try to look for the good in everyone. I know life is going to go on after cancer and that soon this will only be a memory. I hope that if I was supposed to learn something from this that I have.

To the many people that have helped us through this I can't say thank you enough. I wish I could have kept up with the thank you cards but it just got to be too overwhelming. To Dr. Holly Spraker and the staff on the ICS floor at Primary Childrens, thank you for taking such good care of Maddie. To my family,friends,co-workers,community,and those of you who want to stay anonymous I love you all and pray that you all will be blessed because of the love you have shown our family. To my adult children, I love you more than life itself and can't wait to see what the next chapter of our life

brings. To my sweet husband who has put up with me for 26 plus years, I love you more every day and look forward to many more together. To my best friend and hero Maddie: you have taught me true strength, unwavering patience and true grit!!! I hope we can always stay as close as we have become over that last 10 months. I love you sweetheart and am proud to be your mother. I love you all!!! The journey long lived:)